Banker

Years ago I submitted a true funny story to Reader’s Digest. At the time, it was $100 a pop if accepted.

I didn’t hear back from them.

What I’m about to write isn’t it, but I think it’s funny too.


Not long after my brother moved to the US, one afternoon a man came to the house. My bother, home alone, answered the door.

His English wasn’t very good at the time, but he got the gist of their conversation. So the man’s father was the developer who built the house, and the son was now in the trade. He came to ask the residence, my brother, if he liked the house.

My brother gladly gave him feedback, but one thing bothered him when the man first introduced himself.

“I know you are a developer. You build houses. But why are you a banker?”

“Banker is my last name.”

 


I can’t find the funny story I submitted years ago, so I start from scratch. Here goes.

----

A friend from Taiwan newly arrived in New Haven, Connecticut to attend his grad school. I told him I could show him around Boston because he was just one state over.

“It’s Exit 30,” he told me where his dorm was off route 95. “I can see the sign from my room,” he assured me.

I was skeptical however, because according to the map, Yale University was nowhere near Exit 30. I drove down anyway, and of course I didn’t take Exit 30. I found his place nonetheless. After our dinner, off we went back to Boston.

“Look! It’s Exit 30,” he pointed at the sign when we were on 95 driving by an exit. 


 


Reader's Digest

一個不錯的練習英文材料。要讀完整的文章故事的話,到他們的網站找 True Stories:

https://www.rd.com

https://www.rd.com/real-life-stories/

 

Calibre 的 Fetch News 有 Reader’s Digest 可以選(搜尋 “Readers Digest” – 第一個字沒有一撇),下載成電子書來讀。

 



RD.COM → Humor → Funny Stories & Photos
2月28日的一篇很有趣的故事:
A Hangover, Missing Hotel Staff and a Horde of Angry Guests: This Is the Craziest Hotel Stay Ever

沒記錯的話這是發生在去年的一件事,有上新聞。三個旅客到了一間旅館時發現櫃台沒人,他們不像一般人要嘛就是在一旁等,要嘛直接離開另外找一家入住,而是代替櫃台回電話,處理櫃台業務、辦退房等等。這篇文章有更詳細的經過內容。

 很可惜,故事裡頭沒有交待是誰盜刷那些房客的金融卡……

我都唸 IKEA

‘Vur-Sah-Chay’: 20 of the Most Commonly Mispronounced Brand Names

While IKEA comes in sixth on the list, its actual frequency of being mispronounced could be considerable. The Swedish-based ready-to-assemble furniture brand is often thought to be pronounced eye-kee-uh: The company recently confirmed that it’s actually ee-keh-yah, though U.S. commercials still use the former. (IKEA says it’s “absolutely OK” to use “a local accent” when pronouncing it.)

確實。IKEA 在美國的廣告如前述是用 “local accent” 唸的。

開頭網址裡頭的 20 個完整品牌念法。(第16個其實也算是用美國的 “local accent”)

  1. Porsche (“Porsh-aa”)
  2. Nike (“Nigh-key”)
  3. Hermès (“Air-mez”)
  4. Louis Vuitton (“Loo-ee we-taahn”)
  5. Hyundai (“Hun-day”)
  6. IKEA (“Ee-keh-yah”)
  7. Audi (“Ow-dee”)
  8. Yves Saint Laurent (“Eve-sanh la-rahn”)
  9. Givenchy (“Jhee-von-shee”)
  10. Versace (“Vur-sah-chay”)
  11. Peugeot (“Poo-zhow”)
  12. Adidas (“Add-dee-dass”)
  13. Bvlgari (“Buhl-guh-ree”)
  14. Gucci (“Goo-chi”)
  15. Nutella (“New-tell-uh”)
  16. Huawei (“Wah-way”)
  17. Balenciaga (“Bah-len-see-ah-gah”)
  18. Moschino (“Mos-key-no”)
  19. Tag Heuer (“Tag-hoy-yer”)
  20. Adobe (“Uh-doe-bee”)

重操舊業

話說前些年我買了台美金 $25 的三合一噴墨印表機。其實我平常很少在列印,只是更早之前買了共五千張的「免費」印表紙,當時是為了列印電子書來看,但是在買了電子書閱讀器後需要列印的需求幾乎降為零。這麼多年過去了,那些印表紙丟了可惜,放在衣櫥裡一直佔空間也不是辦法,所以前些年在賣場看到便宜的印表機就買了下來,多少把那些印表紙用掉一些。

問題是這印表機附送的墨水匣裡頭的墨水含量很少,我印了沒多少張墨水就沒了。一陣子後我在線上買了便宜的相容墨水匣,也是沒印多少張墨水就沒了,而放在衣櫥裡頭的印表紙根本沒動到,因為很多年前拿出來的一個五百張紙包裝還沒用完。

去年底我又在線上買了更便宜且「號稱」墨水容量更多的黑色相容墨水匣(這次我不想用彩色墨水)。現在比較不一樣的地方是因為我的老花眼,電子書閱讀器閱讀起來已經不像十年前那時那樣的方便,所以現在有時候我會把文件的字體放大,然後列印,方便閱讀。這陣子我列印的頻率也比以前多,至少又消化掉了一部份印表紙。

今天稍早又下單買了黑色墨水匣填充墨水。單靠現在的墨水匣能消化的印表紙還是有限。反正填充墨水也便宜,效果差的話直接丟了就是。

喔,我前頭說的五千張印表紙為什麼免費呢?因為有等價的折扣券。我猜賣場是為了消化庫存吧,那一陣子常遇到這類促銷。

出於好奇,我把 114 學年度英文試題列印了下來。又多消化了幾張紙。

 


終於等到把墨水用完,用了填充墨水灌了約10 ml,失敗。我一直在想,我的步驟和網路上看到的教學影片一樣,怎麼會失敗?後來找了同型號墨水匣拆開後的圖片來看,看看是不是漏了什麼。一開始還想不出哪裡出錯,我一度還懷疑買到填充墨水假貨。後來想到教學影片裡頭有稍微提到墨水匣裡頭有個隔層,墨水針頭要刺穿,我這才突然想到我在灌墨水的時候,針頭有碰到一個硬層,我以為那是墨水匣底層塑膠......如果那就是那個隔層的話,那麼我灌的墨水該不會是灌到隔層之上的空間,墨水根本沒有灌到裡頭?!

我另外拿了一個放了約兩年的空墨水匣來做實驗。我先用個工具把那隔層刺穿,這次針頭確實更深入。灌了約 4 ml 的墨水後開始清噴頭,用了不同方法清了很多次,慢慢的印出來墨水越來越多,最後終於到了算是可以辨識的列印程度。不是很完美,但是至少證明了這次的方法總算正確了。

這讓我想到很多年前我也用過一次填充墨水,那次的結果也是失敗,看樣子那次的墨水匣也是沒有確實填充到墨水......


 

Smishing

Definition for Smishing: A social engineering attack using fake text messages to trick people into downloading malware, sharing sensitive information, or sending money to cybercriminals. "Smishing" combines "SMS"—or "short message service," and "phishing." "Phishing" generally pertains to attacks on the internet, email, or websites.

我們麻州最近很多人收到如下的詐騙簡訊:

光是我就收到兩個。這陣子電視新聞也一直在報這詐騙消息。

Banished words 2025

https://www.wric.com/news/list-the-overused-words-banished-for-2025-by-a-michigan-university/
Without further ado, here are the 10 words that Lake Superior State has banished for 2025:

  • Cringe
  • Game changer
  • Era
  • Dropped
  • IYKYK (If you know, you know)
  • Skibidi
  • 100%
  • Utilize
  • Sorry not sorry
  • Period

Teflon Joe's

New Oxford American Dictionary
Teflon
….

  • [as modifier] used to refer to someone able to withstand criticism or attack with no apparent effect
    the head of the crime family is known as the Teflon Don because of his acquittals in three previous trials

 


 News
標題: Inside ‘Teflon Joe’s’: Why your favorite grocery store is not what you think

副標題:How Trader Joe’s remains a beloved brand despite record product recalls, safety violations, worker misconduct complaints, and an environmental record that belies its reputation.

Trader Joe’s 是美國一家連鎖小型超市

以前台灣媒體曾用「不沾鍋」形容某位政治人物。一樣的表達意涵。